This week I'm featuring a poem from my long, lost cousin Elesha Kelian George (Faustin). I came across her poem/note when I was browsing through Facebook... yes, I'm a Facebook junkie... a minimum of three to four hours a day too.
Now to get back to my cousin, I didn't even know she writes at all, my family has a way of keeping their talents locked up in a closet... especially my sister Ezra George, who I must admit is even more talented than i am, she just needs to take some time to construct her thoughts.
Well to get back to my cousin, here is her poem/note:
You're Just Not Good Enough
Who am I today a vagrant gone astray
Maybe an angel on the good days
Am I black or am I white today?
A thousand back lashes screaming you're Just Not Good Enough either way!
Is my nose too wide, my hair too tough
My feet's too big and hands too rough
Is it that I'm Just Not Good Enough??
Being loved, feels like I'm hated
On those dark days not even affiliated
The ones who's suppose 2 care
Can't even be there...
Won't play their part
Unaffected by the fact that they played your heart...Just Not Good Enough to be a part of their selfish pipe dreams
That they hold so close to their heart
Pushing you farther apart with the notion that you're Just Not Good Enough!
To be in their life
To be their dreams
Not Even Good Enough to be in their schemes!??
Wonder girl or I wonder girl??
That this life did a number on you
Tried to make a number out of you
One more addition to the statistics of being Just Not Good Enough...
With life being a choice and death being a decision,
Like Wizzy said I guess I gotta make a decision!
To live like the angel that I envisioned
Or to be part of your trapped vision
Its time to rid myself of u, circumcision
Refused to be tied to the lies that I'm Just Not Good Enough!
This day I'll Be More Than Enough
My unattainable dreams as you so refer them will not be handcuffed
Your thoughts or image of me and who you think I should or shouldn't be
That decision was never up to you
And now I know better!
I'm sitting here having a break through
You'd see me grinning and can't figure out why, after you've tried to
Erase the crises of the corner of my smile, I still smile!!
My chalk white teeth blinding
Like a thousand suns, the ones you tried to burn!!
I start laughing hysterically at the thought that you thought you could wipe away my joy! Peace of mind and serenity!!
You're looking at me wide eyes, going crazy!!
Don't you know that you can't burn the sun!??
The sun will shrivel you to nothing
Like the nothing you made me feel
All these years and I used all those tears to OUSTED your fire!
And heat up my burning desire to live
And live FREE of you and what you made me out to be!
A liar! A thief! A killer and drug dealer
I was bitter as HELL just where you wanted me too be!
But I overthrew Hell's fury over your ills of me!
The pain melted away!
Because hell's fire is HOT!!!
And I felt the heat all the life you wanted for me!
But I'm to blessed to stay in this mess
Heaven sent I am, the redeemer of your past and the psychic of your future
I was not meant to be at the bottom of the food chain
I am beast with brains..a MONSTER!
I am to be feared loved and respected
Not something you can stand on but someone you can stand along with
Through the hours of the day and horrors of the night
I am like a Phoenix!
I burn then I RISE!
Written by: Yours Truly
Elesha Kelian George a.k.a Elapop
Click here for more of her notes/poems