Dust

Dust
By Delroy Nesta Williams

"Where the hell have you been all this time?" She asked me.

Confused, I looked on. We had only just met about 20 minutes ago. I knocked into her as I was entering the supermarket, doing my weekly shopping for cereal and snacks. I was only now beginning to settle into a routine schedule since moving here to attend school.

She had almost dropped to the floor and after my incessant attempts at an apology; she agreed to have a hot chocolate with me. At first we didn't say much to each other, I was still feeling bad about knocking her down as I was busily fumbling with my phone. But then she started to quiz me and before I knew what was going on, she was giving me intimate details of her childhood.

She was an only child raised by a single mother on the outskirts of Bridgetown. Though she didn't have the luxuries of life, she was always happy until a traffic accident left her mother unable to walk, unable to work. She had to quit school and find work to support her family. Her mother has been her whole world from since childhood and they were more like siblings. She never knew her father and only had a few pictures stored away in a photo album to go on just in case she somehow managed to cross his path one day. She said she only wanted to have a short conversation with him and ask him 3 basic questions but if our discussion was anything to go by, I wouldn't bet on it.

Although she told me a very sad tale, she still had a glimmer in her eyes, like she expected life to give her as much as she had already given of herself. She had that assured confidence when she spoke although she was quite reserved at first, offering only one-word answers when I fired a question or two at her in my responses to her questions.

But the conversation didn't feel like a job interview or some police interrogation. Not at all. I felt at home with her, like I was speaking to my very best friend, a rekindling after spending the summer vacation overseas. It felt like a reconnection after a brief sojourn apart from one another.

And then she smiled. A smile that reminded me of a past life; my past life. One that I had left behind a few months ago before deciding that I needed a new environment. A smile that hid a sadness that's present deep down in your heart. I should know, I bore that smile for years up until a few months ago.

Dominica had become increasingly stifling for me with the political turmoil, and the indifference that was slowly but surely creeping into our society was worrying. I made a choice to leave to further my studies but in truth, I left so I could live my life without the restrictions that Dominica had used to pigeon-hold me all this time.

My every move was under the microscope. Everybody knew me. I couldn't go anywhere without being recognized, who could live like this? The last straw came a few months before I left, since then I had just be coasting through the days awaiting my departure.

I had opened up to Kevin, a very close friend about a secret and instead of offering advice and words of comfort he proceeded to belt out abusive, damaging accusations. In an instant he reduced our friendship to nothing.

Now here I was sitting next to this Bajan young lady, who was pouring her soul out to me. I needed to listen, understand and be there for her, in any way that I could. I knew what she was going through, that was exactly what I had wished I had received from Kevin back in Dominica. I had gotten the opposite though. Putting myself in her shoes, I knew that I couldn’t just walk away now.

"All she needed was a good makeover and she would be the envy of all the girls and redirect the attention of the guys," I thought to myself.

The conversation kind of got stuck and I didn't know what else to say or ask so I just blurted out an invitation to her. I hesitantly formed those words with my lips and was afraid of rejection the moment the words left my mouth.

"So you want to come over my place, I could cook or order pizza or something?" I asked.

The thing is I couldn't cook. I could barely fry eggs. I lived off cereal, pizza and KFC. I expected her to turn down my invitation but she surprised me.

"Let me just call my mom and let her know I will be out a little later," she said.

And with that, I had a house guest. We walked towards my apartment very quietly, until I started humming a Selena song. She joined in too, even twirling and dancing along the sidewalk. She had a beautiful voice.

I lived just two blocks away from the coffee shop but we took 20 minutes to get there, arriving at the same time as the delivery guy.

"Perfect timing!" I exclaimed as I handed him the money and took the box from him.

"Supreme!" She said as she breathed in, "smells like Heaven too."

"You're a foodie?" I asked.

"Not really but I love pizza," she responded, as I pushed my way thru the hall towards my apartment door.

I lived in a two-storey apartment building, near a small but beautiful beach. I would sit on my porch on most evenings and watch the sun set over the turquoise water but I never ventured onto the beach. I couldn't swim. That was one of my little secrets that I kept hidden from the world.

I opened the blinds so she could see the view but she didn't take any notice. I figured she saw these vistas all the time living in Barbados.

She had chocolate-brown eyes, deeply creviced dimples and the small scar on her right eyebrow that could surely pass for a beauty mark. Her skin glowed in the dim light of the late afternoon, the dirty-gold sun rays of the Bajan sunset that just crept in through the panel. Though her smiled seemed to hide something, it still was sincere. She was happy in the moment.

"TV or music?" I asked.

"Movie!" She asserted without even a slight hesitation, almost like she read my mind.

"Any type?"

"Yea, anything will do!"

I sat back on the couch as she reached for the pizza box, placing a slice each on plates then handing it to me.

"You know what would be great with the pizza?" She asked.

"What?" I retorted gently.

"Wine!" She exclaimed, "Do you have any?"

"Yup, I do" I replied, lifting myself from the couch and finding my way to the kitchenette.

"Red or white?" I shouted.

"White! Please... Merlot?" She chuckled.

She was being funny but more assertive than I had expected. When I got back to the living room she was slouched back on the couch, leaving little room for me.

"So where am I supposed to sit? On the floor?" I asked.

"Yes," she joked, "but you can squeeze yourself next to me if you prefer."

I handed her the two glasses that I had poured, placing the bottle next to the couch and pushed my way under her so that her head rested softly on my chest. It didn't feel uncomfortable, I didn't feel romantic - it just felt like something that she needed at the time.

We sat there quietly sipping our glass of wine, taking small bites from the pizza and watching the movie. Every now and then she would let out this stifled laugh though, a hybrid of a chuckle and all out outburst. She still wasn't sure of what was going on. To be honest, I wasn't sure either, I was just glad to have some company over for a change.

Sitting alone in a room for months on end with only the TV for company can let anyone lose their mind at time. It was either the TV, books or my thoughts and too often my thoughts led me back to Dominica so her presence was more than simply welcomed between these four walls.

We sat there, quietly watching the movie and then instinctively she must have turned and softly kissed me. She was so nervous or shy about it that her lips almost didn’t touch mine. I almost didn’t feel it but it opened my eyes. Her eyes were closed as well. She must have closed them for the kiss. The movie had almost put me to sleep before the touch of my lips from hers.

"What are you doing?" I asked softly while gently pushing her away but not far enough that she would feel uncomfortable about it.

She looked into my eyes and I saw that look again, the lost little girl. The girl who had grown up all too quickly and faced the harsh realities of the world by her lonesome. Her face showed all the emotions of her past, the hurt and pain of a rushed childhood.

"I'm kissing you" she said. Her eyes falling to the floor as though now ashamed of what she had done.

"But why?"

"Why not?" She interjected, still not looking up at me.

"You can't! You shouldn't!" I replied.

"Why?" She asked, her tear ducts now swollen as the first signs of bodily fluid raced from the corner of her eyes unto her cheeks. She was crying.

“Because... Because... I am gay," I sounded as I wiped that first tear away. It was the first time I had told anyone since Kevin. She was the second person. This was the second time that I had blurted out something to her when I didn’t really want to; this was becoming a bad habit.

I got up from the couch, walked towards the window and stood there watching the horizon. I watched and just watched trying to block out what had just transpired between she and I. I too started to cry as I placed my hands up against the glass and leaned against it. It was cold, cold as my world in Dominica had become just before my exile to Barbados.

I remember the distance and darkness that had been dug between Kevin and me when I had told him. I had been completely honest with him. I hadn't expected his rejection and even after he scolded me I was half-expecting our friendship to continue. Instead he threatened me, hurled insults and was the main reason I had left Dominica. Although he hadn't told anyone, I was always afraid that my secret would get out. So as soon as I was able to get away, I ran to Barbados. I had tried calling him since I arrived but the calls were never picked up. I suspected that he changed his number. He wanted nothing to do with me. After all, he had made it extremely clear that he wasn't gay and wouldn't accept my lifestyle, not even as a friend.

Just then I felt her warm arms caress my waist.

"It's okay!" She said, "You’re no less of a person."

Why Are You Still Single?

So Delroy, Why are you still single? 

By Nesta (because Delroy would never write this) 

They're all asking 

So Delroy, why are you still single? 

Why? Because I won't settle 

Not for less than I deserve 

Or Delroy, are you just running around? 

To that I reply, Hell No! 

Single isn't the status that I want 

Wife with two children, a house and a dog

Maybe a cat and definitely some fish 

Being single isn't my wish! 

Delroy, you know you're getting old? 

Hurry up, just pick somebody, already! 

But who? Just anybody? 

I know what I want and from whom to find it

But she keeps looking way past me 

And because of who I am and what I see in her, I keep on waiting 

But Delroy, just love anybody in the meantime 

Nah, that feels like a waste of my time 

I will only give my love to one more person in my lifetime, 

The next will be the last 

And after that, if it doesn't work out? 

Then fine, I'm prepared to take that chance!

The Kiss

The Kiss
By Delroy Nesta Williams

She took one lick of her ice cream and I knew that I wanted those lips against mine. It was cherry vanilla. The dim light of the lamp post and the short rain shower that had just subsided meant that we were alone on Old Street under one of the huge verandas that had made Roseau famous. The French-influenced architecture was all around and provided temporary shelter from the short shower, but it was the furthest thing from my mind. There were beads of rain drops on her forehead and cheeks, her hair partially covered her visage but I was still able to look her straight into her eyes. They were hazel, complimenting her skin color. She looked at me, smiled and those dimples of hers just made a small cry to me. She wanted me, her eyes also told the story. I touched her left hand, held her fingers between mine and pulled her towards me. I could feel her heart racing, even more than mine. Her lips were still covered in the cold ice cream as I leaned in and touched the corners of her mouth whipping off a spot. I licked my finger.

"You can have the real thing," she said

"The ice cream?" I teased.

"If that’s what you really want," she responded.

"If that’s what you’re giving me," I nervously quipped realizing now that I was on the brink of that first kiss.

She leaned in and for a moment my mind took a journey back to our very first encounter. Who would have thought that the brief two-minute meeting of nearly three years ago would have led to this instant?

Annie, her sister had introduced us during one of our brief mid-town meetings. Annie was the coworker of my ex-girlfriend Crystal and often teased me about getting back with her. Her relentless teasing had morphed into a friendship, one that would prove very tricky but beneficial. On one of those afternoon encounters, Sophie was with her. I didn't pay her any mind at first but during those two quick minutes Sophie did something that would remain with me for a while. I didn't even figure it out at the time but I did recognize it the next time we met. In fact, I recognized it from a photo I had seen of her. She was the girl that I had always wanted to be with but was never lucky enough to encounter. I had often found myself in affairs with needy young women, needy of my money, my time and that usually turned me off. For one, I didn't have much money and secondly I was a busy-bodied person. My free time was spent traveling around the island or freelancing overseas.

I was so busy that my last relationship was based on a Facebook encounter, which coincidentally would be where I came across Sophie again. It just happened one day while I was bored at my office. I logged onto Facebook and there she was, ForeverFabulous, her profile name. Her profile picture stared me right in the face, her eyes fixed on mine or maybe it was mine fixed on hers. I can’t remember those details. That's when I realized that I needed to have her, right then and there. She jumped off the page and appealed to me. It was sexual but it was also a lot more. She stood in her living room, in a green and yellow bikini. That confidence called out my name. It was like she was saying "I'm sexy, I know it but you still can't have me. Eat your heart out."

I was determined to prove her wrong. I had a knack for defying the odds. I had to do it this time as well. I would get her. Yes, she would be mine. So I sent a desperate friend request and I got back an immediate acceptance. It was on and popping. I didn’t say anything to her at first, I just sent a poke. The attention-seeking poke. I got no response so it was back to the drawing board, plan B. I sent a solitary “hi” to her inbox, still no response. It was time that I made her feel my presence on Facebook, I would not be ignored. It was time to go through her photo albums. I would like every one, except those that looked like she was with her boyfriend or some male companion. That would be a clear signal to her; that should work. It didn’t – nothing, not even after two weeks of “stalking” her profile.

I was going to do the desperate thing next but her sister saved me the trouble. Just as I was contemplating sending her a timeline message about my desperate need for her, Annie tagged Sophie in a status. She responded so I joined in the conversation too. Pretty smart, if I might say so myself. She wouldn’t ignore my comments after all, they were general and discreet but I made it evident that I was trying to get her attention. I sent her a private message at the same time. Bingo, she replied although not the response I wanted:

            “Please, leave me alone, I don’t want a man and I’m not interested in you,”

            “I’m not trying to be your man!” I replied defiantly.

            “So why are you bothering me then?”

            “Oh, so you’ve noticed?”

            “Yes, so now stop it please!”

            “I’m sorry but I can’t stop,”

            “Well then, I will have to stop you!”

And with that she signed out on me. I felt cold, defeated and fearful. What would she do? I signed out immediately too, I didn’t want to know. I stayed off from Facebook for a few days but when I went back, there was nothing.

I would not be daunted by this first act of rejection so I sent her another message. She responded:

            “Persistent?”

            “Very,” I replied.

            “I like that,”

            “Is that all that you like?” I asked.

            “There are other things,”

            “Can I find out?”

            “Can you?” she quipped.

            “I can!” I confirmed.

She responded with a smiley face. I was in. I found out that she lived in Goodwill with her mom and brothers. She was still in a relationship but it was on a rocky road, and although she had a son with her boyfriend at the time I thought I could work my way around that. Just a minor detail I thought if she was going to be mine. I wouldn’t try to break up her relationship but I would still make my move.

Over the next few months we would talk on and off on the phone. I also saw her a few times in Roseau while I was running errands for work. I visited her workplace every time I could, even if it meant spending just two or three minutes. I would always make sure I made her smile before I left, giving her something to think about after my departure. I had hoped she thought about me after my brief visits. Thoughts of my friend zone situation with Miss George would often cloud my mind and get me depressed but I was determined not to fall to the trappings of any other young lady looking for mere friendship. “You’re everything I want in a man, but nothing I am looking for in a lover,” she had told me, the final dagger in my coffin. It took me years to get over her but I had managed, although I still suffered from temporary lapses and bouts of depression. She was the last girl that I would attempt to give my love, there was no more love in me to give.

But Sophie was different, we talked often about meeting up to spend some real time together and our conversations had crossed the friendship barrier a long time ago, but she always kept brushing me off with some reason or another. I never complained though, even if it killed me inside because I had already made my intentions clear to her so many times; I wanted her and I would be as patient as I could, as patient as I needed to be to get her into my arms, even for a fleeting moment. I wanted her if it meant I was the sidekick, just a scratch-my-back-when-it-itches type of situation or the main squeeze but I couldn’t stay in the friend zone for too long. I had suffered in the friend zone too many times in the past; I didn’t want any more female friends. Maybe I was too direct but it was better than being uncertain.

Kellyne, one of the few female friends that I had allowed to get close to me had invited me to the Windsor Park Sports Stadium to watch the Dominica National Football Team receive a pounding at the hands of their neighbor, St. Lucia. I had always liked her company; she was one of the ladies who would get other young ladies to take notice of me. She didn’t mind that, she wasn’t interested in me in any way but she drew attention to me and Dominican women tended to gravitate to men who were already taken, so I played the role. I held her hands while walking up the stand, giving her small nudges while we sat next to each other. I even left my seat to get her popcorn and soda. I fed her the popcorn, we laughed and laughed loudly. Kellyne was the perfect attractant so I played the boyfriend role and it felt good.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, surprising me so much that it caused me to shift in my seat.

“So that’s your girlfriend?” the anonymous text asked.

“Yes!” I replied, lying but playing along to see where this was heading.

           

“Okay,”

“Just okay?”

“I thought you were single,”

“Is that a problem?”I deflected.

“No it isn’t!”

“btw, who is this?”

“lol, now you’re asking?”

“Yes, now you got my interest”

“I’m just behind you, a few rows, in yellow,”

And with that I turned around slightly to see Sophie with a sly smile on her face. She had this yellow flowered summer dress that hugged her body. Not the type of outfit that I expected her to wear but she showed it off very well. There was no one sitting next to her though, strangely.

           

            “Are you alone?” I asked.

            “Yes,” she responded.

            “Where’s your boyfriend?”

            “He doesn’t like football and he lives far!”

That was the opportunity I needed but Kellyne was with me.  Kellyne wasn’t paying any mind to my text messaging as she was embroiled in the game. She was one of the few females that I knew who could understand football but she was a Manchester United fan and that point of contention was enough to turn me off. Manchester United was my sworn enemy. Kellyne knew it too and rubbed it in every time she got a chance, especially since my beloved Arsenal were yet to win a trophy in eight years.

           

            “So what are you doing after?” I messaged Sophie.

           

            “I’m not sure… head home, I guess,”

            “Right away?” I asked, a little disappointed as I turned my head towards her again. She was staring in my direction, right at me to. She smiled when she received my message.

            “Yes… you have plans for me?”

            “I was hoping we could spend some time together,”

            “But you have company,”

            “Let me worry about my company, just make sure you’re company later,”

            “Yes sir!” she replied

            “Meet me by I-Roc around 8,”

           

            “Cool,”

            “Nice,” I replied, turning my attention back to the game and Kellyne. Suddenly I found myself nervously excited, fidgeting with my phone and keys. I couldn’t think straight as I was already imagining Sophie in my arms.

I-Roc was locked by the time she met me there, almost an hour later than we had planned. I was just beginning to walk away when she called my phone. The Arch wasn’t the safest place to be alone at that hour. A vagrant had made the gazebo his bedroom, as he clumped away in a corner trying to keep himself warm even with a very cold river breeze to his back. I was shivering although I wore my hooded sweater so it amazed me how he looked so at home in rags on the cold concrete floor while at the mercy of the river. He actually snored quite loudly even without a comforter or pillow.

Sophie gave me a tight squeeze, so tight that I didn’t even feel like letting go. Her nipples pierced through her dress; either as a result of the cold weather or she was really excited to see me. I closed my eyes briefly to imagine my fingers running over her plump breasts and my tongue massaging her nipples. I was trying to hide my anticipation but my eyes were a dead giveaway.

            “Let’s get out of here!” I ordered.

           

            “Where are we going?” she asked.

            “You want ice cream?” I hit back, my voice trailing as I pulled her by the arm. I didn’t even wait for an answer. I wanted to show my decisiveness tonight. It was a part of my plan. As we strolled towards Island Ice Cream I couldn’t help but think about Kellyne. Although I was having this very overtly sexual conversation with Sophie my mind drifted to Kellyne, I had left her immediately after the game. The poor girl thought I was going to check on my mom who suddenly developed chest pains. I had text Nigel, one of my “bomb tags” and told him to call me back but remain silent on the other end of the line. I pretended to be talking to my sister and was reacting to her news about my mother’s pain. Kellyne was very sympathetic and even suggested to drive me to my mom’s house but I declined her assistance. I told her I needed to walk, needed to think and clear my mind before I became too emotional in front of my mother. The truth is that I wanted to rush off to meet Sophie. Now that I was with Sophie, I was thinking of Kellyne though. I snapped back to reality, and nudged Sophie a bit to let her know that I was still there with her. She smiled and pushed back at me but I was expecting it. I grabbed her by the arms and pulled her next to me.

            “It’s about time I hold you in my arms, I could get used to this,” I said.

            “Me too, I like the feel of being in your arms,”

            “I don’t want to let you go,”

            “What about my ice cream?” she reminded.

            “Oh yes, the ice cream,” I repeated.

I continued walking shoulder to shoulder with her, my hand brushing against hers, every now and then holding it for a few seconds, just to keep some form of contact. She didn’t mind, she was actually more open and more unperturbed than I would have thought.

            “So what flavor ice cream do you want?” I asked upon entering into the shop.

            “I want whatever it is that you get me,”

That sounded so suggestive that it caused me to stumble on the tiles. I grabbed one of the pillars to steady myself as Sophie pretended not to notice. The shop was filled with parents and their children so we ventured unto a small wooden bench just behind everyone else to wait our turn.

            “I want to tell you a secret,” I said

            “Tell me!” she ordered

            “In your ear,” I responded as I leaned towards her.

She leaned towards me as I placed a soft bite just on her ear lobes. She hissed but didn’t make awkward or rash movements to draw the attention of the crowd.

            “I should have expected that, I will know better next time,”

            “What else should you expect,”

            “I don’t normally have expectations, so surprise me,”

            “That I can definitely do,” I confirmed  and stepped forward to order the ice cream.

I got her a double scoop of ice cream on a wafer cone and for myself, a bag of M&M’s.

Sophie’s lips touched mine and although they were cold, a bolt of electricity shot across her body into mine. Her lips were so soft and moist and as I caressed her tongue with mine I brought my hands to her cheeks, holding her head in place to savour the moment. I lay soft bites on her lips and ran my fingers to the back of her neck. She jerked forward slightly and her pelvis slanted right into my crotch. I was fully erect and she knew it. She rubbed against me letting out some soft moans as I lowered my hands down her back and grabbed her ass. She dropped the rest of the ice cream cone and pushed her hands under my sweater and vest to dig into my flesh. Her cold nails caused my back to arch. She smiled and let out a lowly giggle under her breath. I slightly pushed her in between two vendor’s stalls and pinned her against the wall. I started to thrust my waist into her, grinding between her thighs. Her moans were getting louder. I lifted her dress, lowered her panties and squeezed her bare ass with my hands. I wanted to have her there and then. I pulled her even closer towards me, now nibbling on the back of her neck as she ran her nails up and now my back, it felt like she wanted to tear my flesh from the bones. I wriggled myself in such a way that my pants were beginning to fall to my ankles and lifted her left leg. She didn’t stop me. At that very moment a car whizzed past us, splashing a pothole filled with dirty water in our direction. That must have woken Sophie from her sexual daze and she jumped from my grasp and pulled up her panties.

            “Stop, stop, we have to stop,” she cried out.

            “Okay, okay,” I replied still a little dumbfounded myself.

            “I shouldn’t even be here, I am not a cheater, I am not a cheater,” she kept on repeating.

            “Let me take you home then,” I said, hoping that I would get the chance to redeem myself on the way to her house.

            “No, no… I can make it on my own,” she replied, as she dashed away from me.

I tried to chase her forgetting that my pants were down to my ankles and fell, my arms just saving me from the gutter's muddy water. I pulled myself up, put on my pants as quickly as I could and ran in the direction that Sophie had taken. I took the corner and ran up Great Marlborough Street but Sophie was speeding away already, almost out of sight. I didn’t want to chase her any further to create any scene so I stopped, calmed myself and walked home.

I hadn’t walked for five minutes when I noticed a white Toyota Corolla pull up in the area, about thirty meters ahead of me. Out walked Kellyne and this well-built man. I stopped and looked on, making sure though that I wasn’t seen. He opened the door and they went upstairs. The door locked behind them. I walked towards the door, listened against it and suddenly found myself stooping down at the base of the step. Tears streamed down my eyes.

            “I love Kellyne,” I whispered, “I love Kellyne.”

Break Time

Break Time
by Delroy Nesta Williams

Home was never really a happy place. I was the first of three children, all girls raised by a single mom and all of us by different fathers. She, my mother, was a victim of men’s promises, each one filling her with empty words of taking care of her and her children but each wanting and leaving her after they had their own. She learned the lesson quickly though and although it stressed her to take care of all of us by her lonesome self, my mother seldom complained. My mother worked any and every job she could find to provide for us and that really meant that raising the children and running the house was left to the eldest among us, which just so happened to be me!

Some days were good but lately I felt like the world was on my frail, tiny shoulders and I needed a break. I tried to remain strong because I, as the oldest, maybe understood what my mother was going through the best. I never heard or saw my mother cry, well actually, I did, but only once. She was having a phone conversation late one night and I just happened to be awake. Words that may be hidden by the noise of the day ring loud in the still of the night. She was speaking about my father and from what I could understand from the muttered, tear-filled words, he was not helping her to pay for my CXC exams and the deadline for payment was coming up soon. I promised myself then and there that I would approach him as soon as I could, I had no idea what I would tell him though but I was sure that he would look at me in a different light after our encounter.

I never told my mother about it and it had been almost two weeks since I overheard her conversation but I was yet to see my father. I had tried to block out the late night images from my thoughts but any little issue would bring back her words and tears, even if I only envisioned them from across the walls of our small house. My mother was already out of the house by the time I got up from my mattress, which I had placed in the corner of the room so she wouldn’t disturb me when she was leaving for work. It was like that almost every morning and although it was only 6:30 a.m., she had already taken two buses to make her way to work in Mero, which meant that she usually left the house before my younger sisters were even awake.

I was busy frying eggs and sausage when my sisters, Lisha and Kerdisha, came into our small outdoor kitchen moving like they were sleepwalking.

                “We hungry!” they cried out in unison.

                “Allu just get up wii, go an’ take a bath, when allu come back allu will get breakfast,” I replied as sternly as I could. I reminded myself of my mother, she was beginning to rub off on me so much that it frightened me at times.

                “And hurry up eh, we walking to school today cause mammy doh leave bus money for us,”

Ten minutes later and they had both returned to the kitchen, half dressed but with a famish in their eyes that softened my heart.

                “Eat! Eat before allu fall down dere on my account eh. I cyah answer to mammy much less for de government,” again borrowing my mother’s phrases. I never understood what she meant about answering to the Government but it always seemed to instill fear in me so I used it with my sisters. They looked up to me so much that I couldn’t be too hard on them though, not all the time.

By the time they had eaten and gotten fully dressed, it was already 7:30 and we rushed out of the house. From where we lived in Newtown the school was a quick walk but with two troublesome sisters, even that could be a challenge. Lisha had a question about everything she saw and Kerdisha would always find something to play with just to annoy me. But still, I loved my sisters, more than anyone in my life.

School was a different world though; it was my sanctuary from the troubles and challenges of home. For about five hours I didn’t have to think about anything else but classes and assignments. Oh and off course, my girls! We had developed our little clique from first form, five years ago and we had still remained friends from that time. There were fallouts, major ones too but we always found a way to come back together. The Gorgeous Girls: Kisha, Lorry, Crystal, Natasha and I. I had known Natasha longer than the rest, since our days in primary school so we were closest among the five of us. Still, lately Natasha had become a little distant from the rest of us. There were times when she wouldn’t eat with us at break time, and now she was always late for our library “meetings” and had become very secretive.

That was unlike her because she used to be the bubbly one that always cracked the jokes or picked on each of us. She was the glue that kept us together. She had mended the fallout between Lorry and Kisha over Craig.  It seemed that Lorry had liked Craig but Craig was only interested in Kisha so that put a rift between the girls but Natasha stepped in and Craig stepped out of the picture soon after that. I can still remember the look on his face when she told him to “get to stepping” - her favorite phrase at that time.

Natasha, Crystal and I were in the same class which also meant we spent more time together whereas Lorry and Kisha were in another class across the school yard. Crystal was being forced to remain in the class during break time because she stood up to the teacher during our history class. Unfortunately for Crystal, her mouth was always her biggest problem. She took offence at the teacher saying that Christopher Columbus discovered Dominica. She had the balls to put Miss Seaman on blast and ended up by calling her “brainwashed and stupid” and accused her of “perpetuating stereotypes” in front of the entire class. Off course, a class of hyped up teenage girls took the opportunity to laugh at Miss Seaman which wasn’t at all too pleasing to her so she made an example of Crystal. Crystal didn’t worry about the punishment though because in her mind she had won, Miss Seaman wouldn’t be discounting the contributions of her Kalinago people anymore. There was no greater victory since Crystal was actually of Kalinago heritage, at least from her mother’s side of the family. But please don’t tell Crystal that she was only half-Kalinago, unless you wanted to face the wrath of her death stare!

Lorry and Kisha, the sports junkies had a netball team meeting during the break as well, which meant that I had Natasha all to myself, so we could talk about her strange behavior lately. We went to our section of the school yard, underneath the flambouyant tree. It was our regular meeting point, so much so that the other girls in the school didn’t even venture near it. That spot would remain empty even if we didn’t use it during break; so much was the respect and fear we had garnered from the rest of the school. Nobody questioned our right to the spot and we loved that.

As we sat on the bench, I pulled out my snack from my paper bag but I noticed that Natasha didn’t have anything in her hands.

                “Where your snack ner?” I asked.

                “I waiting for it,” she responded.

                “Waiting for it, what you mean you waiting for it?”

                “Somebody bringing it for me jus now,” she said coyly.

                “Okay den,” I sounded as I stared into her big brown eyes.

She tried to watch away but I saw the glimmer in her eyes which meant that there was more to the story than what she was telling me. Natasha could never keep a secret and if there was one, I was surprised that she had kept it from me for so long. As I searched her eyes I realized that my friend seemed a lot different. She was changing right before my very eyes and I had barely even noticed until now. She had relaxed her hair a few weeks ago but that didn’t raise any alarms. Upon closer inspection though, I now saw that Natasha was evolving into a fine young woman. Her eyebrows were shaped, her earrings were different, shimmering in the early morning sunlight and even her uniform seemed new.

                “What’s going on ner?” I asked.

                “Nothing, why?”

                “You seem different,”

                “Me?”

                “No corn, yes you!” I scolded her.

                “Girl you behaving too much like your moda eh,” she laughed in her attempt to change the topic but that wasn’t working. I wanted to know why my best friend was slowly changing and I hadn’t even noticed it until now. But worst, why she hadn’t confided in me at all. It was unlike her, we spoke about everything, she knew all of my secrets and I thought I knew all of hers, until now.

                “Talk, I want to know,”

                “I can’t tell you!”

                “You can tell me anything eh!”

                “Not that one ner!”

                “Why ner?”

                “I made a promise wii,”

                “Wat about our promise? Wat about our friendship den?”

                “Dat different eh,”

Just then Natasha pushed her hands into the pocket of her uniform and pulled out a cell phone which was vibrating in her hand. I was surprised. She hastily read and responded to the text message then turned to me.

                “You have a cell phone?” I shrieked.

                “Yes, I do!” she responded defiantly.

                “Since when?” I questioned.

                “Since he…,” she paused, “since I bought one.”

                “Who is he? Doh think I doh hear de he eh,”

                “It not important and I cyah tell you anyways,”

                “If it not important den I can know,” I said as I cornered her.

                “My boyfriend dat buy me de phone, okay!”

                “You have boyfriend? Since when? How I doh know dat?” I yelled.

                “Well tell de whole school ner!” she responded, sucking her teeth at me.

                “Sorry, sorry… but you have boyfriend wii, your mother know that?”

                “How my mother can know that ner?”

                “So she doh see de phone den?”

                “It always on silent!”

                “Since when you have boyfriend?”

                “About two months now,”

                “TWO whole months,” I screamed out at first then but lowering my voice as I realized I was embarrassing my friend.

                “So when you was going to tell me? And who is he?”

                “But look I jus tell you wii and you might see him cuz he bringing snack for me just now. He dat jus text me der,”

                “Okay, okay,”

                “But you cyah make him see you, so you will have to hide,”

                “Why I have to hide?”

                “Cuz is our secret. He doh want people to know for now,”

                “Who is he?”

                “You will see when he come in de ride!”

                “He have a ride den? Big tings man?”

                “Yes, he does!”

And that was the end of that as she left to go to the washroom. We now had our plan though and I would stay behind the wall, walking out just about the time where he was handing her the snack so I could sneak a peek at him. He had a car which meant he had to be a lot older than her but she didn’t take me on when I raised my objection.

                “I going to have a boyfriend one day eh, so why it cyah be today?” she asked.

                “So allu sexing? Your moda know?”

                “Yes, we fuck a few times... my moda can never know, she still think I a virgin wii,”

                “Agatha go break your bones”

                “And your moda doh break yours?”

I had no response to so I dropped the issue and changed the topic. My friend seemed happy and so I would be happy for her even if it troubled me that he was a lot older than her. We would soon be out of school though, graduating in a few months so I guess in her mind she was ready to be an adult. I couldn’t see myself with a boyfriend. Not because I didn’t want one but because my mother would kill me. She had already embarrassed me enough for Jason the last time. She had given me a beating in the school yard when she found out about it, an experience I don’t want to ever relive. Her daily scolding was now enough to keep me without a boyfriend for the next ten years.

We continued to talk for about two minutes, enough time for her to tell me about how she met her new boyfriend. She had gone by All Nations Bar in Newtown to buy fish and fries for her mother on a Friday night and he was there with his girlfriend, where they were having a public break up. Then he met her there a few weeks later and started up a conversation. He had even paid for her meal that night and that started things off. They didn’t meet too often because he worked a lot but when he could he would take her out, even at nights and at weekends. She would tell her mother that she was going over to my house, even without my knowledge. He bought her the cell phone for her birthday, a Samsung Galaxy S3. I had never owned a cell phone, my mother couldn’t afford it. My mother would have broken my bones too if I had ever brought one home. She didn’t want me accepting gifts from anybody. Her words always rang in my ears, “men don’t give you anything without expecting something in return.” I always sensed bitterness in her words when she said that, like she was speaking from a dark experience, like she had lived out the mistake herself.

Just when my thoughts were transitioning to images of my mother and that fateful phone conversation, Natasha jumped up from our spot and rushed towards the school gate. I was well hidden behind the wall and ready to follow through with our plan. I could see her big broad smile in the reflection of the car’s glass. It was well tinted; I couldn’t see a thing through the glass. She seemed more than happy with her boyfriend as she waited for him to bring down the window. It came down slowly to reveal an older man, his eyes hidden by a pair of sunglasses. As he himself lifted the glasses, I saw his very own smile as well. He donned a wide spaced tooth, strong cheek bones that rose up with his smile. But I still couldn’t make him out properly as he turned his head towards her and he reached into a bag to pull out her snack. It was then that I stepped forward to have a closer look at the mystery man. His smile froze on his face as my mouth opened wide too.

Mr. Charles was her boyfriend. Mr. Damian Charles, her boyfriend. My best friend’s boyfriend was my very own father! The man who wouldn’t pay my CXC fees was wining and dining my best friend.

The End.