When Sorry Just Isn't Enough

When sorry just isn't enough
By Delroy Nesta Williams

Wrote you hundreds of letters to say that I'm sorry
But the words written on the paper just seemed so empty
So I threw them out with the rest of the trash
I called you so many times but at the last moment I hung up the phone
I couldn't muster the bravery to listen to the hurt in your voice
I've even visited your workplace but stopped at the doorstep
I wasn't strong enough to see disappointment in your face
I'm even more disappointed in me
I fell short of the man that I promised you that I would be
The sweet words I charmed you with became bitter with scorn
The wining and dining disappeared like a ship at the horizon
All the sweet kisses and tender touches, I found reasons to cease
I just did the wrong things too often, I did as I pleased
Objecting to your wants and neglecting your needs
Now, I know the error of my ways
Trust me, I'm way past ashamed
But I can't pinpoint the moment things became this way
What really happened? When did I become so bitter and cold?
I want you back but not if I can't correct the mistakes I made
I wouldn't want you to relive this heartache
I look back and see the mountain of pain
That I built up in your way,
A relationship filled with emotional strain
How you stayed that long is a mystery to me
Why you didn't walk out long before still baffles me
I see now that I actually pushed you out the door
You would still be here if I had acted with just a little more decorum
If I had given you even half the love you showed me
Now I'm wishing for a taste of the love that I was once showered with
I'm in this deserted place, without an oasis
No love, no love, no love
Like a homeless man, I keep roaming the streets
With no where to rest my head
No comfort for my wondering soul
Because I walked out on my world!
No, really I walked out of heaven
Like the fallen angel
Living in a perpetual hell
A fire consuming my mind, body and soul
Hurting deep down within my bones
I need comfort, I need healing
But I know that I've long let go of the source of my inner peace
The woman who gives my life its meaning!
I can't bring myself to deliver an apology
I hurt the one that I love and that haunts me
I can't even face my own self
To say that I'm sorry!